Who I am, wish my exs could read it but o wells
I know know the full extenets of my body and mind. I know my flaws and my strong points.
I kno that I am a strong person when I need to be and that I am a leader when i see that no one else is able to lead the group. I kno that I am religious no matter what others think, i just keep it to myself and dont try to portray my ideals onto others, they need to choose themselves. I know that I’m a very smart individual. Hence why I right this, because I have been accused of not having closure.
Closure is a fallacy others believe that you need to be content or let go of all ties or remane in contact with them to understand and acknowledge the happens that have taken place. For my my way of closure is to say that my past relationships lost a great guy and move on from it. Theres no real ands if or buts about it. I know that they lost a great guy, some i wish i would have had more time with, and others i wish i had never met.
Kimi- was in an lolgame. just used me for the game and nothing else really lol ^^ good start eh? idc she was canadian XD.
Brooke - had a great time with her on and off for a year and a half then we kinda realized we were better off friends, so before we did anything life changing we ended it and she found the guy that completes here and I am still here ^^ lol was fun, didnt really talk to her much but I’m still a person she trusts and calls from time to time.
Kayla - Was a whole 3 months zomgz! :) but meh it was fun while i was with her, even tho i was a jerk at times and would ignore her to play World of Warcraft at times >.>; but hey i was a sophmore going into junior year i didnt care lol. She dumped me cus she was starting high school up in joppa town :P o wells fine with that lol she calls me to vent too cus apparently im a good listener @.@
Sammi - oooo buddy i could go on for days bout this relationship lol. It was a fun at times and horrible at others. During this relationship my depression was started to be treated and I started to become a happier person. but as my attitude got higher our relationship went down hill :/ its kinda sad with how close we are. she told me her mom beat her and my shitty chivalry kicked in and her mom went uptight whenever i was over. until her power was cut while i was over. after this her mom seemed to start to like me, and if what sammi said was true, it stopped. Her family loved me for the most part. i felt horrible during this relationship for the reason that i had to rely on sammi to drive me around. i dont like living by charity, and if we still had talkin terms id try to repay her for that and the mass amounts of things she did for me as well lol. But by the end of it her dad thinks i beat her cus of when we wrestled around. her moms side of the family hates me for “dumping” her on her bday when i just said lets go on a break @.@ she ended it 3 days later, sorry bout ur luck guys ^^ my family hates her because after we broke up she still came around and hinted that she wanted to be with me for 2 months after and i had moved on alrdy and she didnt like how much faster i could go on without her. o well :D i found ppl who treated me better than she did. I choose the grudge from this one just because she was a total bitch about how everything played off. It could have been handled alot better like adults and it wasnt.
Crystal - great girl, amazing. I met her through her aunt that works with my mom lol started out with her needing an austin hug :P and led on from there during my last quarters of senior year ^^ she and her family and really fun to be around and she makes me feel the way i like, like im worth something and that she really cares bout me and isnt hiding something. She loves rock band at times more than me i thought but i know she still had me higher in her mind even though i could beat her in it ^^. Crystal dumped me the first time because she thought i was going after sammi again. it wasnt true, i wanted her, but she gave me another chance and thats what im working on right now as well. I want this relationship to last, her family seems to like me for the most part, i dont know how much they liked her previus bfs too but o well lol, and my family seems to like her the most so far of all my gfs. so im hoping it goes well ^^
Lauren - I was robbed of this relationship. I really wanted to see how this one unfolded. I did want to stay with her. I did want us to last. But it just doesnt seem like it was meant to be lmao o well. She was really fun to be with. She had her down times where she showed she was human. this got to me because it kinda made me happy when i was able to lighten her moods and everything else for her. It made me feel special i guess lol. Lauren was very stingy about sharing me with any1 and i like that as well :) i liked that a lot if u really wanna look into it lol. But i lost that when i hugged danielle and she fuckin kissed me when i didnt want it. in any shape or form. Im sorry lauren. for everything Im sorry it ended like that :/ I wish i could help but u and chel are way to pissed at me like u should. so. Im sorry.
Danielle - She seemed to be like a good person from the start. Then looking over everything thats happened. the things i was talked into because i felt bad. No. could see through her sentences like they were on paper and could read the motives. could read everything about her that she said, and her best friend just as bad. meh. better part of my mind left blank.
I kno the weaknesses of me. I like to seem on top of things, and when im not i get lost. If no one tlks to me i start to feel lost and unimportant. i think at times ppl are looking down on me when they are just tryin to understand me and how i am.
But i also know that through these troubles. I am my own biggest critic. I have to much self hate that i need to just let go. This self bullshit that i need to let out and move on, when im fully able to that, this world should be scared. Because at that point ill start trying. Ill start to feel comfortable in my own skin again. and ill be going places. high places. I tried for PSU. I got in easily with barely any effort. I wanna see if i can get comfortable before school starts again. ill have the world in my hand.
Lets see how this goes about ^^
and may the Lord guide my path as he sees fit.
Amen.
